As we head towards the Indigenous Voice to Parliament referendum on October 14, many Australians are finding their views are at odds with those of their friends and family.
You've probably heard someone tell you that it's best to avoid discussions about politics, but it's not always that simple, Relationships Australia NSW chief executive Elisabeth Shaw says.
"We have seen families where there have been fallings-out over these issues, as we did with vaccination during the pandemic," Ms Shaw says.
"These can be make-or-break issues, which might surprise a lot of people."
A serious disagreement over politics or other important issues can cause long-term damage to relationships you may value.
So, how should you approach these tricky conversations, especially if you know your views are different to those of your friends and family?
Can you agree to disagree?
It's important to acknowledge that people may choose to avoid conversations about the referendum for their mental health, wellbeing or for other reasons.
Indigenous Australians in particular may be experiencing stress, frustration or anxiety, and experts say people shouldn't feel they have to disclose their stance or engage in broader conversations.
Anna Zaher, 60, lives in Petersham in Sydney's inner west. When it comes to politics, she's always been at odds with her best friend of 50 years, who she's asked us not to name for privacy.
The two friends will be voting in opposite directions in the referendum.
When their discussions get heated, Ms Zaher says they always find a way to leave the conversation and move onto something else.
"There's actually no point in arguing because we actually both know what each other think already," Ms Zaher says.
"We've grown up knowing that we've had different points of views, and the friendship has always been more important."
Take a moment before you react
Ms Shaw, who is also a clinical psychologist, says an important first step when approaching these conversations is to weigh up how much the issue means to you.
The weight you put on the issue can impact how you respond to your friend or family member's view.
"Is it that you feel passionate about it? Does it feel like this is key to your identity?" Ms Shaw says.
"If you're looking for validation for who you are, and what you stand for, that means that there's going to be a lot more riding on the conversation."
Be curious and have an open mind
Going in with an open mind is crucial, rather than shutting down whatever is said, Ms Shaw says.
"From a curious position, ask questions, make sure that you really understand why the other person's position is so important to them," she says.
"If you say, 'I know what you think', people can react badly to that and then feel defensive.
"If you can really understand [the reason for their position], you still may not like it, but you might be able to end the conversation from a position of respect."
Is this issue more important than your relationship?
When ending the discussion, state your position and values, but make it clear your relationship is more important than the disagreement.
"You might say: 'Look, I think we've got differences of opinions, but I don't want us to fall out over this'," Ms Shaw says.
"That can be a good thing to say up-front, if that's true.
"Also, a good thing to say at the end [is], 'this has been a difficult conversation'."
Meryvn Cross, 79, had an argument with a friend of five years at a men's shed over differing opinions on the upcoming referendum.
He says a follow-up call later that evening smoothed over the bitterness of their argument.
"The conversation got really heated and we said, 'OK, fine, just leave it at that'," Mr Cross says.
"He did ring me up that evening and [he] said, 'Sorry we've been at loggerheads in here.'
"Everybody has their own views, and you can't agree with everybody about everything."
What if you find out about their views on social media?
In today's world, we often find out about people's political opinions by their posts on social media.
Ms Shaw says this helps because you won't be caught by surprise and will be able to lower your expectations about the outcome of the conversation.
"You're only left with curiosity to understand their position in detail [and] to try and understand the points where you might be able to connect," she says.
"If you want to preserve the relationship at all costs, then discussing it is good in service of growth."
You might also find you're embarrassed by the views of your friends and family — but Ms Shaw says that's not a helpful mindset.
"Our friends and family, we can like them and enjoy them without being united on every issue.
"It's much better to direct your energy towards your own work, which is to look at — 'well, why am I embarrassed by what other people do? It's nothing to do with me'."
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