Unwind with psychologist Chris Cheers

For psychologist, educator and author Chris Cheers, it's important to recognise self-care isn't always easy.

Chris lives in inner-city Naarm/Melbourne with one of his two partners and dog Kuzco, and shares how he deals with overwhelm and why he takes himself out on dates.

Unwind with… is a weekly column that explores the simple ways people take care of themselves.

Something I do that makes me feel grounded is…

Self-care can sometimes be seen as a set of goals — I'm going to go to the gym this many times or listen to a guided meditation every day. These things might be helpful, but they might also become overwhelming and a reason to feel shame when you don't do them.

To counter this, I try to keep my focus in the day. Each morning I check in with my body to see how I'm feeling and what I need. I might set aside 10 minutes to think about my "dream day", and then consider what achievable action I can do to bring me closer to that day.

When I'm overwhelmed, I will try to…

Think about one thing I can say no to and I'll do it as soon as possible. It gives me a sense of control back, and space to consider what I value and how I can put more of that in the day.

My approach to connecting with others…

I've got two romantic partners, which in the world of polyamory, means I'm the "hinge". For me, it's all about planning ahead to make sure we are all making space for quality time together. I think that is one of the most beautiful things about polyamory, it forces you to be intentional about the time you spend with your partner/s, and you never take it for granted.

As I discuss in my book The New Rulebook, love is not something you "find", it's something you do. So I try to think about what my actions of love are and make sure I am showing up for all the important people in my life whether it be a short text or planning gatherings with people.

Something I love to do for fun…

I often take myself on dates. I love going to the theatre or finding restaurants where there is seating at the kitchen. I used to be hesitant to do things alone, but I've found you're more likely to connect with new people and have new experiences when you're alone.

I'm currently loving…

I've been listening to the Wiser Than Me podcast with Julia Louis-Dreyfus. She speaks to women like Jane Fonda and Fran Lebowitz about how to live a meaningful life. At the end of each interview, she calls her mum and talks about what learned from it. It's wonderful.

A piece of advice I often turn to…

It's quite cliché, but when I'm feeling anxious or worried about something, it's been helpful to return to the idea that "this too will pass" — it helps me remember that this feeling will pass, just as every other emotion has before it.

Unwind with… is produced by Madeleine Dore, a writer, interviewer and author of I Didn't Do The Thing Today.