It's been a big year for celebrity break-ups, which can be a sobering a reminder that romantic relationships are not always forever.
Supporting loved ones going through a split is important, as they may be feeling a range of emotions including sadness, anger, confusion and isolation.
If you're not sure how to go about it, here's what I recommend as a relationships counsellor.
Editor's note: This advice won't apply if your loved one is a victim-survivor of domestic violence. For help you can contact 1800RESPECT, the national body for supporting people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse.
Start by acknowledging your own feelings
Break-ups can be hard for everyone involved, including for the friends and family associated with the former couple. It's common to feel:
- Concern for the wellbeing of loved ones going through the break-up and how they will cope
- Fear and anxiety about how this split may impact the structure and interactions of a friendship group or family as a whole
- Difficulty managing your own feelings of grief about the couple's relationship ending. For example, if you had formed a bond with a now ex-partner
Key things to avoid
Supporting someone through a break-up can challenging. There are a few things you want to avoid, including:
- Taking sides: Instead, try to remain neutral and supportive of your friend or family member and their ex-partner. Taking sides can make the situation more difficult and stressful
- Offering unsolicited advice: Unless your family member or friend specifically asks for your advice, it is best to keep it to yourself
- Criticising their ex-partner: Be respectful of your loved one's ex-partner, even if you don't like them
- Trying to fix things: Remember that you cannot fix other people's relationship. The best thing you can do is offer your support and understanding
- Bringing up their relationship when they are not ready to talk about it: A reminder to be mindful of other people's feelings and boundaries
- Assuming that you know what they are going through: Everyone experiences break-ups differently. It's best not to assume you know how your loved one is feeling or what they need
- Expecting them to be over it quickly: Healing from a relationship ending takes time
- Pressuring them to get back together: It's important to respect their decision
Five ways to offer support
This time of year can be especially challenging for those going through a break-up or sharing the news of one, as it can add another layer of complexity to an already emotionally charged time of year. Here are some ways you may offer support:
- Be there for them: By letting them know that you are there to listen and support them in any way that you can. This could mean simply listening to them vent, offering words of encouragement, or helping them with practical tasks
- Validate their feelings: It is important to let them know that their feelings are valid. Don't try to minimise their pain or tell them that they will get over it soon. Instead, let them know that it is OK to feel sad, angry, or confused
- Help them to stay connected: Going through a break-up can be isolating. Encourage them to stay connected with their friends and family. You can also help them to get involved in new activities and meet new people
- Encourage them to take care of themselves, physically and emotionally: Encourage them to eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep. You can also help them to find healthy ways to cope with difficult emotions, which may involve encouraging them to reach out for help. This could involve helping them find support from other sources, such as a therapist or a support group
- Offer practical help: If your family member is struggling to cope with practical tasks, such as cooking meals or running errands, offer to help
This article contains general information only. You should consider obtaining independent professional advice in relation to your particular circumstances.
Jill Dzadey is a relationship counsellor based in Naarm, Melbourne.